probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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