He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
