is your mom at the bar?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
