You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
