I just threw up on my dentist
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
