I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
