How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
