i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize