I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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