He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
