I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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