the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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