I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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