i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
