there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
