Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
