Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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