What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
