My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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