so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize