I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
