we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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