My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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