I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
