so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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