Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize