whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
