I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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