he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
