I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
