my sisters under your porch take her home
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
