my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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