the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
