Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
