There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
