Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
