there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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