I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She's the barista slut.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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