halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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