dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
