Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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