you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
