I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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