Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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