dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
