i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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