I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
