Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
