the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
