AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
