My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
