Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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