We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize