I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
