when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
