She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
