Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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