Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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