Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
