the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize