He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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