She said her name was "party"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
