What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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