I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
