Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He had one of those small greek statue penises
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
