Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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