Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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