dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
