Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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