So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
