thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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