my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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