Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
