and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
