I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
