party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
