kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize