Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That's intense
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
